Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
