i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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