Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
