can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
