Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
