i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
