Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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