Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
