...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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