it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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