I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
