For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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