Your mouth is God's brothel.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
