garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
