if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
