sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
