why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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