When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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