the new term for farting is butt boxing.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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