just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
