btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
