New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
