I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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