Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
