i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
