At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
