Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
