Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
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