Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
