All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
