hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
