apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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