and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
