she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
