so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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