i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
