i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
