and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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