The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
