But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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