So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
