My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
