have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
