I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
