Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
