I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
