We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
