i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Can you bring me the toilet please
Holy shit dude........stairs
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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