Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
