she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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