Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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