he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
