Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
